Mind Readers.
Kudos to those who can read people so easily. I try to see what others see but no cigar. I overlook a lot of things and when i try to pick up on anything, I fail. Others have it so easy, I don’t get it. Maybe they’re just a lot more receptive than I am. I don’t know how to play my cards right. I have this major issue when it comes to trust: I just give it away hoping one is different than the next. The thing is, we are all different but to what degree? To what extent are we different from the rest?
Throughout my life, there have been certain people that have taught me something important. Person X taught me to always let out what I was keeping inside, whether to write it down, tell somebody, or expressing it through other forms. X always told me to be expressive or it’ll eat me alive. I’ve learned to be honest and strong through my amazing sister. She has been through so much and now she is doing okay. She made it out of her struggles and she’s making a better life for herself than what she had before. She is the reason I think “It can only get better from here” when I’m going through something rough. I thank person Y for teaching me to be a bitch. When I say bitch, I mean someone who stands up for herself and is independent. Someone who is classy but not trashy. Someone who is straightforward but not rude. Someone whose voice is heard, you get me? Its like showing who you are to a select few, those who deserve it. The rest are just people that you meet, or know; nothing more and nothing less. Person Z taught me that talk is all talk. Anyone can say anything about themselves and I wouldn’t even know whether they are telling the truth or if they are lying. Z taught me to read between the lines. You can’t trust everybody or anybody that you meet. (<—- Common knowledge? I guess so).
Despite the fact that I have learned different, useful ways of being from others, I am still me. It can’t be helped. I’m not trying to change myself either but it would be useful to be able to apply the things mentioned above effectively. I guess I’m just trying to improve in the areas I am lacking in. I digress…
Ranting.
Im just going to write my troubles away and not give a fuck about grammar right now. I had a great time tonight. I went to a pre-screening to see Real Steel with this really nice guy and group of our friends. I had homework to catch up on but I decided to hold it off until after the movie. After, we ended up going to a bar and drinking a few drinks. It was getting late so we went back to my guy’s dorm and we chilled, had some laughs, and I was doing my shit. I come rushing home because I had my phone off for the movie and I didn’t dare turn it back on and see my mother’s bitching. I come home, tired, determined to nap 45 minutes and work on my shit for 30 mins and continue doing so in that pattern. What do I fucking see when I get into my room… In the dark, I noticed that my red wall had some lighter colored squares on them. “what the fuck??” I turn on the lights and I see what the fuck is different. My UNFINISHED paintings are hung up on the wall! AND HALF OF THEM WERE UPSIDE DOWN! The nerve of my family to fucking get that shit wrong. And second!!! For doing some shit like that, unnecessary holes on my fucking walls, without fucking telling me. And what happened to all my other shit?! Last I remembered, it was in MY PORTFOLIO leaning against the wall… NOW, all my stuff is in a tall trash bag and my portfolio cover is folded in half tucked away in between my desk and wall. What the fuck?! You don’t just move and rearrange my art shit without my consent. You don’t organize anything in my room without me knowing first. I also had a shit load of clothes THAT WERE NOT MINE on top of my desk chair. Where is it now?! In my fucking closet, folded, as if it belonged there… It doesn’t!
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a messy person. I just don’t like it when people organize my shit differently. I know where all my shit is, despite the fact that you think my room is a little messy. Its called an ORGANIZED MESS! The shoes that I use are out of my closet because I use them on a daily basis. I don’t go sifting through my closet to use them when I can just slip in my feet and walk out the door. I am obviously dissatisfied with this shit. SO MUCH THAT I TOOK THE TIME TO WRITE THIS SHIT OUT INSTEAD OF MY FUCKING WORK, as a venting/coping mechanism. Now my shit is all over the place and I have no fucking idea where it is. Fan-fucking-tastic.
What did I do when I processed all of this??? I took off my paintings. I ripped off the trash bag, got my shit back into the portfolio and leaned it against the wall where it had always been. The guitar I had next to my dog’s mini bed… Yeah, I took my guitar out of my closet and back in its place. The shoes that were neatly organized along the wall… Yup, I scrambled them around a bit and put them where they were. The clothes that didn’t belong in my closet… back on the chair. I also messed up my desk a little bit. Oh, and I threw my photographs from my portfolio all over the fucking floor because I couldn’t tell if she had organized the fucking thing or not. Yeah, I got fucking stressed.
When whoever walks in through my door… I’m ripping them a new one.
Jared Leto.
God’s gift to this planet and to every girl who lays eyes on him. Yesterday, I finally realized that not only is he the lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars, he is also is several movies that I have seen. He was in Requiem for a Dream, Lord of War, and others. Finally, I had added 2 + 2. He has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen, an amazing voice, hot body, talent for both music and acting, and sigh… He is great. The day I meet him will be the day my life will be that much better (x
